Stop Fighting the Chaos: How the Stoic Dichotomy of Control Can Ease Modern Anxiety
It’s 3:00 AM.
You are staring at the ceiling.
Your body is exhausted, but your mind is running a marathon.
You’re replaying a slightly awkward comment you made in a meeting two days ago.
You’re worrying about the dip in the stock market.
You’re stressing over whether your flight next week will be delayed.
Does this sound familiar?
If so, you aren't alone.
We live in an age of hyper-connectivity and information overload.
We are constantly bombarded with news, opinions, and crises from every corner of the globe.
Our brains trick us into thinking we need to manage it all.
We feel a responsibility to control the chaos.
But here is the hard truth: trying to control things you cannot control is the root of almost all modern anxiety.
It is a trap.
But there is a way out.
It isn’t a new pill or a complicated meditation app.
It is an ancient mental framework called the Stoic Dichotomy of Control.
Let’s talk about how this 2,000-year-old idea can help you finally get some sleep.
The Illusion of Control
We are all control freaks to some degree.
It’s evolutionary.
Our ancestors survived by predicting threats and controlling their environment.
But in the modern world, this instinct misfires.
We get angry when it rains on our vacation.
We get frustrated when traffic is gridlocked.
We feel crushed when a post on social media doesn’t get enough likes.
The Energy Drain
Think about how much emotional energy you spend on these things.
You scream at the other drivers in your car. Does the traffic move faster?
No.
You worry for days about what your boss thinks of you. Does it change their opinion?
No.
Fighting reality is exhausting.
It is like screaming at a rock for being hard.
The rock doesn’t care. The rock doesn’t change.
All that happens is that you lose your voice.
This is where the Stoics step in to save us from ourselves.
What is the Dichotomy of Control?
The concept comes primarily from Epictetus.
He was a Greek Stoic philosopher who began his life as a slave.
If anyone understood a lack of freedom, it was him.
Yet, he found a way to be mentally invincible.
His core teaching was simple yet radical.
He said: "Some things are in our control and others not."
That’s it.
That is the Dichotomy of Control.
Everything in life falls into one of two baskets.
Basket 1: Things Up to Us
This basket is actually quite small.
According to the Stoics, we control:
- Our opinions.
- Our judgments.
- Our intentions.
- Our desires.
- Our actions.
Basically, we control our own minds and our own choices.
Basket 2: Things Not Up to Us
This basket is massive.
It includes:
- Our body (we can influence it, but we can’t stop aging or illness entirely).
- Property.
- Reputation.
- The weather.
- The economy.
- Other people’s actions.
- The past.
The source of our suffering is simple.
We try to put things from Basket 2 into Basket 1.
We attach our happiness to things we cannot dictate.
When we do that, we are gambling with our peace of mind.
And the house always wins.
Applying the Dichotomy to Modern Stressors
Okay, this sounds great in theory.
But how does it work when you have a mortgage and a deadline?
Let’s look at three common scenarios where we can apply this framework today.
Scenario A: The Difficult Boss
You have a boss who is critical and moody.
Every time they send an email, your stomach drops.
The Old Way:
You spend your weekend venting to your spouse about how unfair your boss is.
You worry about getting fired. You obsess over changing their personality.
The Stoic Way:
You realize you cannot control your boss’s mood. That is Basket 2.
You cannot control if they like you.
What is in Basket 1?
Your work ethic.
Your response to their emails.
Your decision to look for a new job if the environment is toxic.
You focus entirely on your output and your reaction.
You let go of the rest.
Scenario B: Travel Nightmares
You are at the airport. Your flight is canceled.
The Old Way:
You yell at the gate agent. You tweet angrily at the airline.
Your blood pressure spikes. You ruin your own day.
The Stoic Way:
You acknowledge the flight is canceled. That is reality.
You cannot fly the plane yourself.
What can you control?
You can control how you spend the waiting time.
You can read a book. You can catch up on work.
You can treat the gate agent with kindness (which is a choice).
The situation is the same, but your experience of it is completely different.
Scenario C: Social Approval
You post a project you worked hard on. Nobody notices. Or worse, someone criticizes it.
The Old Way:
You feel worthless. You delete the post.
You decide you are an imposter.
The Stoic Way:
You remind yourself that other people's opinions are not up to you.
You cannot control the algorithm.
You did control the effort you put into the project.
If you did your best, that is where the satisfaction lies.
Validation from others is a bonus, not a requirement.
The Nuance: Internalizing Goals
There is a common criticism of this philosophy.
People ask: "If I accept everything, won't I become passive?"
"Won't I just become a doormat?"
Absolutely not.
Stoics were historically very active people.
They were senators, generals, and emperors.
The trick is to shift your goals from External Outcomes to Internal Process.
This is sometimes called the "Archer" metaphor.
The Archer
Imagine you are an archer.
You want to hit the bullseye.
You can control:
- Your training.
- The quality of your bow.
- Your stance.
- The moment you release the string.
Once the arrow leaves the bow, it is no longer up to you.
A gust of wind could blow. The target could move.
If your goal is "I must hit the bullseye," you are anxious.
If your goal is "I must shoot the best arrow possible," you are calm.
You are confident because you did your part.
In modern terms:
Don't set a goal to "Get the promotion." (External).
Set a goal to "Be the most prepared candidate for the interview." (Internal).
Do you feel the difference?
One carries the weight of the world.
The other carries only the weight of your own effort.
Actionable Steps to Practice This Today
You cannot just read about this and be cured of anxiety.
It is a muscle. You have to train it.
Here are three simple exercises we recommend at My Core Pick to get started.
1. The Morning Delineation
Before you start your day, take two minutes with a journal.
List the things you are worried about today.
Draw a line down the middle of the page.
On the left, write what you can control regarding those worries.
On the right, write what you cannot.
Look at the right side.
Visually cross it out.
Tell yourself: "I will not spend a single calorie of energy on this column."
2. The "Stop" Technique
Catch yourself in the act.
When you feel that tightness in your chest or that flash of anger, say "Stop" out loud (or in your head).
Ask the question: "Is this up to me?"
If you are stuck in traffic, the answer is no.
Take a deep breath. Turn on a podcast. Let go of the steering wheel (metaphorically, please keep driving safely).
3. Review Your Wins
At the end of the day, review your actions.
Did you succeed in what you intended to do?
Did you keep your cool when things went wrong?
Celebrate the internal wins.
Did you lose the client but handle the pitch perfectly?
That is a win.
Rewire your brain to value your character over your circumstances.
Final Thoughts: Peace is a Choice
The world is chaotic.
That is never going to change.
There will always be political unrest.
There will always be rude people.
Technology will always glitch at the worst possible moment.
You can continue to fight this chaos.
You can continue to let your happiness depend on a million factors outside your skin.
Or, you can draw a circle around yourself.
You can decide that what happens inside that circle is your kingdom.
And what happens outside of it is just... the weather.
The Dichotomy of Control doesn't make the problems disappear.
It just renders them powerless to hurt you.
So, the next time the anxiety starts to creep in, remember the archer.
Nock your arrow.
Aim true.
Let it fly.
And whatever happens next?
Let it be.